Introspection
by Fee Neex
Summary: Sesshomaru thinks about his life... -one-shot-


**Disclaimer- I don't own Inuyasha or Sessy… Dardnet!**

**A/N- I started this… I don't know how long ago. I only now remembered that I had it! **

* * *

I have given up. It is not an easy thing to admit, even to myself, but it has to be said, even if only in the security of my own mind. I do not think that I will ever get the Tetsusaiga. I really don't. I have traveled long, and I find myself growing weary. I find myself _moody_ of all things. I think that if I have not managed to retrieve the sword in all this time, I never will. I think… I think I am relieved. Like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

I cannot remember a time when I _wasn't _chasing after Inuyasha and his humans, trying to get the sword I at that time believed to be mine. I have tried so long, so hard.

I woke up this morning, looked out of my window, and realized that today… I wouldn't be leaving the castle. I just couldn't bring myself to don my clothes, rouse Rin, Jaken, and Ah-Un, and walk through the gates thinking of how I would try to get the Tetsusaiga today. That's the reason I am standing here, in only a silken robe, and completely relaxed.

I haven't been relaxed in a long, long while. It's a curious feeling, and I only recognize it because I haven't felt it in almost forever.

I am a smart demon. I do not boast, but only speak the obvious truth. I would not have lived so long if I hadn't had a mind worth using. So, I realize, there's no way I will be able to get the Tetsusaiga. My reasoning? One word.

Inuyasha.

That stubborn pup will never hand over his sword to me. And I find I don't want to kill him as much as I believed. My father's blood runs through him also, and it now seems wrong to kill one who has that blood in him. My father was a noble demon, strong, courageous, foolish. Yes, he was foolish above all. He let himself fall in love. With a human, of all things.

I cannot say I love humans any better with all the years that have passed. Merely… I have grown a small amount of respect for them. I never thought humans could be respected, but I have actually found a few humans who should be respected, if grudgingly.

And also, I think that human wench of his would follow me to the ends of the earth to kill me if I hurt her beloved Inuyasha.

I do not understand why she stays with him. He does nothing but insult her and compare her to his dead lover. It is obvious even to myself, who have only seen them together a few times, that he cannot love her in the way she loves him. He is too fixated on the dead priestess. I think… if she was a demon, I could fall in love with her.

But of course, that's not a problem. No matter how much I respect humans, taking one as a mate would be… well, _gross_.

Somebody knocked on my door.

"Come in."

The door burst open to reveal Rin, dressed in her orange kimono, hair in that ridiculous, but endearing, ponytail that sticks out from the side of her head.

She ran to me, then stopped and stared. "Lord Sesshomaru… aren't we going out today?"

"No Rin. I'm finished with that now. We'll stay home."

Home. This dead castle never used to be home before her.

Rin broke out into a huge smile. "Yay!" She twirled in a little spin, then launched herself at me. I patted her head, and she beamed. She ran back out the door, calling for Jaken.

I stared back out the window. She will need a woman soon, someone to teach her things human females need to know. I don't relish that thought. I think I'd like for her to stay young forever.

What will I do, I wonder. Without thoughts of Tetsusaiga to consume me, there's really nothing more I'd like to do. I've seen enough things to satisfy my curiosity of the lands.

Maybe… maybe I will go looking for a mate. I think… I'd like some pups of my own.

Or maybe… I'd go after Naraku.

That idiotic half-breed needs to crawl back into the cave he came out of and perish**_1_**. He makes me extremely angry, the thought that someone as weak as he could take over the land. The day he accomplishes that misguided dream, I will bed Jaken**_2_**. Repeatedly.

I don't know, I will figure it out later. I have time. At this moment…I think I will get something to eat. I'm hungry.

* * *

Hmmm… not sure where this came from. I think Sessy's probably OOC… oh well…

**_1_**- Sesshomaru's elegant way of saying he needs to crawl into a deep hole and die.

**_2_**- …ewwwww…


End file.
